First Time Mom OF TWO!

Hello all in blog-land (and Facebook now too!!) ~

This past weekend the family and I ventured to the in-laws house.  I was only slightly apprehensive given the fact that this would be the 2^nd time we’ve seen each other since the latest scuttle with my MIL.  I think just the little bit of nervous that I did have was because we would be on her turf and not the ‘common ground’ we were on for Xmas (we met at a hotel in December).  She’s said that we were welcome in her home to Jeremy but I’m still wary that the ‘we’ was for him and the kids, not ‘me’. I wanted to be with my family (all of them) and I think staying in the cabin made it easier on her and me.

 I think the weekend went swimmingly to be honest.  I still grapple with the fact that she doesn’t like me …but to be honest…I’m not sure there are a lot of DILs out there who don’t worry about it. So, I guess that is normal?

 My MIL always does such sweet things for us when we come visit though. Jeremy and I stayed in a cabin next to their house (a very nice treat in itself…they have a couch-bed that does the job but can be hell on Jeremy’s back).  We let the kids stay with the grandparents without our ‘watchful’ eye so-to-speak and in return – we got 2 blissful mornings to sleep in. It is so rare that Jeremy and I get to sleep in together that this made us ‘over-the-moon’.  I can’t believe I slept as much as I did…but I still slept on the way home. I seem to get car-sick trying to read nowadays. It sucks. I swear it is a sign of my impending trek into the 30 and up club and I am none to happy about its closeness either!!!

 All in all we had a great weekend. For those of you who know us well enough to know that we were going – thanks for the well wishes. It really did go well, from our point of view. Jeremy and I even talked about sending the kids to their house this summer for a week a piece (he’d be fine with more but I’d miss them too much!!!).  I can’t wait for Aidan to be able to catch his first fish with his Papaw like Logan did last summer. How cool would that be??

Govflygirl

P.s. I just got an e-mail my from MIL - she enjoyed the weekend as much as we did - SCORE!!!

P.p.s. I am becoming a Stampin' Up! Demonstrator the 1st of February. Come to MEEEE for all your stampin' neeeeeds :)~

So Jeremy's mom called last night to relay a message from my BIL. We have caller ID so I knew it was her when I picked up. I don't like to go out of my way to be mean and/or ignore people. It's just not the way I'm built.  We both seemed kinda nervous talking to each other but we got through it. It was decent.

 

Jeremy and his brother talked for a bit after that and we discussed some Xmas gifts for them and their Aunt Sue (she is so hard to buy for!). I decided to call the MIL back and ask about other things for Aunt Sue's Xmas gift. I had told Jeremy that I was feeling worried about the weekend and wanted to break the ice with his mom first. After we were done chatting about the gift(s) and stuff I asked her if we were going to be okay for the weekend.  In the span of 2 minutes I made sure to let her know she was always welcome in our home (I don't really have a way with words, written or spoken, so it came out, 'No matter if we are bitching at each other or not, you are still always welcome in our home"), apologized for causing her so much stress, and said I'd do my best this weekend not to be so harsh with the boys (Jeremy and I are super strict, admittedly). As far as apologies go, I got a 'Me too'.  I'm MORE than happy with it. It felt good to just talk to her a few minutes and clear that air before the weekend. I certainly had no intentions of our conversation going that far but it felt good anyhow. I hope, at a minimum, it enables us to have a good weekend...that they get to enjoy their grandkids and that her and I don't get all tangled up again. My FIL doesn't talk much to anyone (my MIL said that one!!!) so it should be fine there too. 

 

Because I am an over analyzer, I did realize the one 'missing' part to our conversation. She never did extend the invitation to me for their house.  I guess I'm okay with it. Maybe it will come with time, she and I aren't going anywhere, no need to push that!!! I know I can talk a good game and all...to write that I don't need them to like me but deep down I'll always want that. A majority of the reason being because it will make it easier on my boys...a small part of it for being selfish.  My emotions rule me, maybe more than some, but I guess that is part of what makes me mine own unique 'human'.

 

My grandma on my dads side just died recently. When I went to see her I was a bit detached. The ties/bonds were not that strong. I didn't know her well. That bothers me a lot now that she is gone. I want more for my boys than that type of detachment. My MIL deserves more than that. My FIL used to take him and his brother to see his mom (the MIL and her don't get along) - Jeremy isn't as close to his paternal grandma either. I don't want that trend to carry in our family (for pragmatic reasons, or otherwise!).

 

This blog are mine own private thoughts (but I share them to help me cope and chronicle if you will)- I rarely sensor them so sometimes they may come out mean or hurtful. I never have stopped to think, until recently, that my MIL may actually be reading it (we've never talked about it!!!).  This blog is my thoughts uncensored. I honestly doubt if I have many readers as I don't frequent other sites, but for those of you who do read it (my parents maybe??) I hope you enjoy the ride. Being Italian, my emotions run hot. It's part of our charm and our bane! I typically don't have a very good filter anyhow but here it is totally gone....for better or for worse.

 

So...Dee...if you're reading this...I apologize if any of it hurts your feelings, it isn't intentional.. It is my own therapy for the things that stress me in life (including the stress between you and I).  I always wanted to be close to my inlaws, I hope that some day we can get there...that this 'shit' between us calms down and that we get over whatever it is that we do to each other.

 

Turkey Day couldn't have been more pleasant!!! I am so glad that my brother convinced my Dad to come up.  He always wants us to come visit him at their house (I think that's awesome but unrealistic, sorry Dad!!).  It will be nice to entertain at our house this year for Xmas as well.  My parents are coming up so they are there when the boys wake up Xmas morning. We'll be doing some traveling to the parents houses soon though :) Jeremy hasn't been to my parents house in a while either (not for any particular reason though...my parents adore Jeremy!).

 

For T-day we had all the trimmings and before we sat down for dinner we watched Polar Express together. The boys were so enthralled. I just love watching their reactions to stuff. I couldn't have asked for a better day.  Oh - and we even had a fire in a REAL fireplace. The new house has been awesome for that - I am pretty sure it is one of Jeremy's favorite things along with entertaining here.

 

Jeremy went to see the inlaws Friday afternoon. Him and the boys had a GREAT time! I am so glad. Logan was also telling me about a Santa Parade that they went to. I wish I could have been there to see his eyes.  I didn't go this time because Jeremy wanted to try and smoothe things over with his mom. I wanted to go though - but only because I didn't want to have to miss a moment of my time with my guys. I missed that smile, the excitement. I would have love to see Aidan's clear blue eyes sparkle with excitement...to hear Logan's excitement over seeing Santa for the first time this season.  I don't want to miss it again.

 

We're going to PA to meet the inlaws and my BIL/SIL/niece for Xmas. I am actually looking forward to doing something so new with the kids. Glad I don't have to miss it. I choose not to stay home because my boys are what's important. I'd walk through fire for my boys (all 3 of them!) and if that means being around my FIL/MIL who don't like me then fine. I just hope that my MIL doesn't yell at me in front of them (she has before and BAD!), that's what gets me twisted up the most. They can leave all they want but I don't like how the boys are affected when they leave. It hurts their feelings too. This last time I think they were really confused about why my inlaws left so fast. My MIL kinda responds through emails but she just ends up lashing out hurtfully. I'm not sure if how my FIL and I deal with it is better (he basically hasn't talked to me in like 3 years!) but at least it is more peaceful.  Less stressful.

 

Anyhooten - let me just get off that yuckie stuffs - did any of you all go shopping on Black Friday? Since I was home, I went to my parents house and did a lot of shopping for the kids. Spoiling the kids is fun - I'm glad we can do it.  However, the budget crunch is still hitting us as well.  We are only buying for immediate family this year because of it! I had such a good time with my fams though. My mom and I have a very close relationship and we had a good time together shopping on Friday night. We did a mom, dad, brother, sister shopping trip on Saturday. That was a bit weird though - like the old days. My mom even commented that she thought it was a bit weird too - 'You have your own family now, you should be with them! This is too weird!!' I totally agreed with her but besides missing my kids and Jeremy the whole weekend it was fun.  My dad was even AWESOME to load up 2 wheelbarrows of wood for me in the rain. I tried to help but he wouldn't let me.  We are drying it out in the garage now - it's hardwood.  Jeremy also brought a bit of wood home from his rents house. I thought that was kinda kewl because it was wood that we had chopped with his aunt and now deceased uncle. We had spent a whole afternoon chopping it about 4 years ago - even had mountain cooked hotdogs that day. It was hard work but its a solid happy memory.  He misses his Uncle and Grandma (both kinda recent) a lot around the holidays. Seems like his Grandma was the glue of the family and now that she's not around no one gets together. 

 

What else?? Hrm...Weight is constant, I'm working on it though. I go to the gym WAY early in the morning so I don't miss time with the boys. If I don't go to the gym I miss them for how early I go to work anyhow. It's the only time I feel comfortable going. I don't want to miss my limited time in the evening with them - I'd rather be on the plump side!  Speaking of - I went 2x's this week and was on my way out the door when I decided to blog this a.m. I just realized I hadn't in a while.  Head up my rear trying to decorate and help Jeremy build a 'castle' bunkbed for the boys. It's hard because we aren't woodworkers!!!

 

I need to get ready for work now - oops - guess I'll just go to the gym tomorrow morning before my physical. I'm picking the kids up right after it and plan on taking them somewhere fun (after nap!).  We've got lots of fun things planned for the weekend too. A friend is coming over early a.m. Saturday to work on Xmas cards and projects, then we are taking the kids to a birthday party.  We are getting our family picture on Sunday, probably getting our Xmas tree, and we may even fit in a visit to Santa to drop off the Xmas lists the kids did (we had them pick pictures from the Toys R Us catalog and then helped them paste em' to a piece of paper!).  Rightie-O - I'm getting on late after typing such a long blog!!!!

 

For all those that still check my blog for my delusional blatherings - hope you had an EXCELLENT Thanksgiving!!! And that your Xmas celebrations are even nicer!!!

 

 

Not sure what happened to change my parents minds - but they are coming for Thanksgiving. I am sooo excited. We weren't invited to anywhere this year so we invited people to our house.  Come to think of it, I'm not sure Jeremy did invite his parents?? 

 

He has decided to go visit them for a short weekend and talk to them about the 'situation' and get the boys some time with their grandparents.  However, this is the LAST time that he will be going alone. I honestly don't feel like I'm welcome in their home and with my MIL literally calling me delusional I don't know what to do/say around them!  However, 'we' (Jeremy, Logan, Aidan, and I) are a package deal. We are a family and we come together. Jeremy and I are a united front. Not sure exactly what he is going to convey to his parents about it but I trust him. He 'assuages' a lot but I know this time that the message is simple. I'm done WANTING her to like me. Maybe we'll get along better now because of that simple fact. A girl can hope, right?

 

We had our upstairs heating unit/heater go last night :( We put a space heater in Logan's room, I slept with Aidan in our bed (UGH! He kicked me all night trying to wrangle OUT of the blankets!) and Jeremy slept on a futon downstairs. I'm working from home today to go to the boys T-day lunch at school. Going to have to deal with a repair man now!! LOL Oh well - it is what it is and I can do nothing about it really.

 

Be thankful for everything you DO have folks - these financial crises are VERY hard. I wish everyone luck and love for the turn around.

 

Govflygirl

We took the boys to the movies today. It was Aidan's first time and he did GREAT! We took them hungry and let them munch on popcorn.  The movie was pretty cute too.

 

I had another blow up with the MIL. What she does to make me feel is just not acceptable. Why does she think this behavior is ok???

 **The came up for the weekend at Jeremy's request so that the two of us could spend some time. They watched the boys at our house on Saturday and we went out. Movies, hotel, the works. It was great. We even sat at the table of our first data (coincidence, not planned). We had a great time. Got up today and drove home and got to the house about 9 a.m. I walked in the house and the boys were giving me hugs and stuff and they stopped me to show me their animal cage (they went to the zoo on Saturday). I wanted to go spend time with the inlaws so I tried to convince Logan to go too. I had asked him no more than 5 times before I yelled at him, "NOW!". I never even got to say hello before my MIL was storming out and not even looking me in the eye, let alone to say goodbye.***

 

For real? I swear there is an alien in her head telling me I"M the anti-christ or something. Jeremy reprimands the kids differently in front of his parents. I didn't realize we were supposed to... I don't abuse my kids. I yell at them occasionally. For some reason, that makes me the worst mommy in the world.

 

And ya know - I've got enough problems right now where I dont' feel good enough.  Did she have to make me feel like the worst mother on earth by throwing her own tantrum? Does she have to consistently put Jeremy in the middle of us? If my marriage is to stay solid - then I'm the one who has to bend and break to her will. It hurts me that she thinks I'm such a bad mother. I want to tell her to never come back. I never want to see her again. I want to tell her to go to hell. But I go back. I bend. I break a bit more each time I'm not good enough.

OKay - so I knew it was going to happen. But I can still be pissy about it.

 

I am NOT happy about our Presidential elect. and even more so about the 'headlines' announcing it.  I think it is RIDICULOUS that they are concentrating on the fact that he is the 'FIRST' African-American that will be in office. This iS NOT what should be concentrated on. And the fact that it is just takes me back to the fact that all this election was - was a popularity contest and not who was best suited for the job. Yay - the country has resulted to high school politics....of which I have fought my entire life.

 

I am hope my husband is right and that Obama isn't the anti-christ. He may not be techinically of 'European' decent....but the 'fortune tellers' have been known to be a little off.

 

Hrmph.

 

My dristan seems to be working. I'm going back to my 'not so hopeful' bed.

 

I hope he can live up to this change and I'm totally wrong. Lets just spread that Dem love around. I will work my butt off for every lazy american tomorrow. Bed now.

 

Govflygirl

Ha! Two nights in a row. I am a blogging goddess.

 

And damnit if I didn't learn yet ANOTHER new thing about myself. I easily share things. Duh. Bloggers like to share shit.  However, I like to share lots.  And it's therapeutic to me for some reason. SO ...sew....I came back for another dose of dumping my shit on unsuspecting readers. Tada! 

 

Tonights snippet is kinda cute though, IMO.

 

Being the somewhat unconventional parents we are...the hubby and I decided to show our toddlers 'shooting stars'.  We didn't really catch any tonight (Wednesday is supposed to be a big star shooting night, we'll try again, I'm sure!).  As I put the boys to bed, I decided to show Logan how pretty the crescent moon was.  His new school is sure dumping a lot of good stuff in his sponge for a brain. He decided to tell me that the sun went down 'on the other side of the world' and that is why we could see the moon.

 

Damn proud I am :) I think I should go share it with the hubby too, no?

 

--Me